dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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