no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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