so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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