hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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