So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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