those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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