You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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