Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
