True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
