That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
