Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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