Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
