i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
