Yo dont text me then not text me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
