I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
