i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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