And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
