Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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