you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
