He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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