you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
