you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
