I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
