she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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