Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
