Ambien. No doubt about it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
