Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
