he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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