i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
