Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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