I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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