I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
