Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
