I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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