Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
