First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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