He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
