she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In America we eat man semen.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
