im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
