there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
