I'm passing your future prison.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
