it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
