THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
