ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
