Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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