now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
