Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
