do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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