You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
