You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
