I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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