Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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