piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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