you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
