I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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