Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
