remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
