Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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