mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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