I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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