she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
